I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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