it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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