I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize