R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
