It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
