Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
