I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
