My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
