i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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