'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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