i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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