Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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