I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
