This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
