I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
