I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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