You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
