I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
