I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
