first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
