I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
