Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My vagina just recognized that song.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
