After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
