one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
