Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
