my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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