if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
