I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
