I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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