fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
