I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When did angry sex become our thing?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
