If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
