You're my little dorito
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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