He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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