it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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