We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
