why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
