you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
