yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
