Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
