If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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