So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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