these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
