So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
