Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
