i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
