We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
