There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We were destined to go to rehab together
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
