Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
