oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
